Bloody Brilliant!

Top 7 things I love about The A-Team

I saw The A-Team last weekend, and was moved to make the following list of the top seven (not six, not eight) things I love about the movie:

1. The fact that no one else does.  Have you checked out the reviews?  Scathing!
2. Sharlto Copley.  This man is outright FANTASTIC.  Yes, mainly for his Division 9 work, but I absolutely love watching him.  And, of course, listening to him spew Swahili.
3. It doesn’t take itself too seriously.  I really laughed out loud in quite a few places, and that’s saying something.  Movies that make me laugh score high in my book.
4. You can’t help but like the characters.  And even though I am old enough to have seen The A-Team the first time around (an admission I don’t lightly make, mind you), I didn’t really watch much of it so these characters are almost new to me.
5. The action scenes are really clever.  Yes, flying a tank is preposterous, but damn if it isn’t fun to watch.
6. Jessica Biel’s hair looked really thin.  It’s always a bonus to find an actual flaw in one of the most beautiful women on earth.
7. I saw it for free!  So it was QUITE the good value entertainment.

See it.  Now, one you can definitely skip is SPLICE.  I could give you a list of 77 reasons why that movie is a piece of total crap.  But that’s for another post...

My man Danny

I love this man. 

Danny Wallace is a really funny guy - he is sarcastic and edgy and just makes me laugh out loud every time I read his column in ShortList.  He's funny on the fly, too - he hosted an eCommerce awards dinner I recently attended and his deadpan remarks made the whole night (I had to get something out of the evening since I wasn't nominated for anything.  Bastards). 

He's got a new book coming out and he made this daft video, which just sums him up (but in a good way, mind):

 

Love ya, Danny.

Terrorist Escalation

Thanks to Jim Blake, who never misses an opportunity to send a funny joke along...

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to  recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon, though, security levels  may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English  have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the
Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and  "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.  Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to  "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
on all of their allies 'just in case'.

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels  - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be al'right, mate."  Three more escalation levels remain:  "Crikey!",  "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

a blue Christmas

I'm in a bit of a sassy mood so forgive me for any offense... but aren't these the best cards? Dean Morris is one twisted man. And I love him for it.

 

the pig of happiness

I've been an Edward Monkton fan for a long time.  His characters are daft, his commentary is eccentric, and the overall effect is both funny and sweet - but not too twee, as they say.  I just read an article in the Sunday Times where he talks about his battle with depression, and it's a really interesting account and unlike others that I've read.  His description of how depression feels is alarming, to say the least. 

He's just created a clever little film that I thought I'd share:

Who says cats aren't friendly?

Look at this video - it's really sweet.  It's on the BBC's homepage; I can't figure out how to find the source video to embed it here so hopefully it'll be on there for a day or two.  In it, a Texan cop is giving someone a driving ticket and he is distracted by an overly affectionate cat.  I think this cop deserves a gold medal for being so patient with the cat - you can tell he is a sweet guy even though he's giving some poor sucker a ticket. 

oldie but goodie

My sister sent me this today - it's been around a long time but I still find it funny. 

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now................

from down under (!)

I love when companies demonstrate a cheeky sense of humour.  I suppose you'd need a sense of humour if the product you made was all about human deforestation [as it were]. 

Thanks to Sacha for sending.

eh Madge, you're one of them for sure

Thought of the day:

When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English.

She is now an unmarried, single mother with three kids from different fathers, one of them black.

 

Job done.

 

Many thanks to Harriet for making me laugh with this one!

now THIS is a head of hair...

My friends Kerry and Deena just sent me this pic of their little girl Raine.  In addition to being dangerously cute, she has one of the most amazing heads of hair that I've ever seen.  She is going to cost them a ton of money in hair products alone.