Terrorist Escalation

Thanks to Jim Blake, who never misses an opportunity to send a funny joke along...

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to  recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon, though, security levels  may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English  have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the
Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and  "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.  Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to  "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
on all of their allies 'just in case'.

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels  - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be al'right, mate."  Three more escalation levels remain:  "Crikey!",  "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Comments

[Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels]

This is so hilarious I had to share it on Facebook! I just had to, coulnd't resist :-)

Being Italian, I found that part particularly fitting, and the French and Australian particularly funny :-D

[Lord Farr-Kernukkel]

I am in awe of anybody who has the invention and inspiration in their head to come up with this quality of humour. Thank you, whoever you are!

Pip pip!

[staci]

Too funny!