As you can imagine, the Sunday papers were full of observations about George 'I can't speak properly to save my life' W. Bush's time in office. They were hardly reverential, mind you (how could they be?) - and here are two of my favorites:
Hugo Rifkind, a clever columnist for The Sunday Times, writes the week according to George Bush. Here's Monday's extract:
Monday
My fellow Amerindians. This will be the last time I stand before you as a Precedent. Many roads have we sailed together, this past decade of eight years. As the old saying goes, what does not make you stronger, destroys you. And that’s what has happened.
I am not a man for self-pity. Ain’t that pathetic? I’m so against self-pity that sometimes it hurts, and that’s the truth. I sometimes think nobody else realises that. It’s been hard. Many have been the changes we have seen. Eight years ago, many of us would have recognised Eyeraq on a map. Now, we could probably see it from space.
Where there were threats, we have counted them. Katrina came and went, and I never even met her. Some guy called Dick Cheney used to work for me. I ain’t seen him in months. In summeration, whatcha gonna do? I shouldn’t a’ stood under that sign that said “Mission Accomplished”. That was a mistake. We were trying to say something, and people thought we were trying to say something different. “Accomplished”. That was the problem. It’s a very long word.
Again in the Sunday Times (yes, it's my favorite paper, how did you guess?), they kindly listed Bush's top 20 gaffes. It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad to realize how much of a laughingstock our leadership is. Can't we swear Obama in today? Why wait??
Here are a list of our favourite gaffes by George W Bush
1. "Will the highways on the internet become more few?"
2. "It’s a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life"
3. "I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq"
4. "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office"
5. "We’re concerned about Aids inside our White House – make no mistake about it"
6. "I’m honoured to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein"
7. "I’ve coined new words, like “misunderstanding”
8. "I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances"
9. "It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way"
10. "One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end"
11. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here"
12. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test"
13. "I don’t particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it
14. "[The Taliban] have no disregard for human life"
15. "When the governor calls, I answer his phone"
16. "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law"
17. "I think we agree, the past is over"
18. "America stands for liberty, for the pursuit of happiness and for the unalienalienable right of life"
19. "My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions"
20. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures"
I am really looking forward to tomorrow's ceremony, and to being proud of my country again.
Recent Comments