Bloody Brilliant!

Missive from Madrid

One of the best things about living in London is being thisclose to Europe. Growing up in America, I never hopped over to the Continent for a day trip and still find it weird to think I can do it now.

And so it was that I jumped at the opportunity to join Peter (who was there for business) for a night in Madrid. Despite having lived in France for a few months in college a bazillion years ago, I never visited Spain. This was a good opportunity to broaden my horizons and break in my new passport. 

I spent the afternoon on my own, walking from the hotel down to the Prado in what I thought would be a nice walk but turned out to be over 3 miles.  I clearly can't read a map. 

 

The Museo del Prado was incredible. Incredibly confusing to navigate, as I kept getting lost among the million dead ends, but the art is breathtaking.  Goya, Velazquez, Bosch, Ribera and Rubens, just to name a few.  After doing my cultural duty there, I wandered off towards the Plaza Mayor where I heard these street musicians:

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...and saw this funny bit of performance art:

By then I was too exhausted to move a muscle so Peter and I grabbed an awesome steak dinner, where they bring out slabs of raw meat which we cooked on a super-hot stone that was plopped in the middle of the table.  The one thing I can't get over is the fact that people still smoke in restaurants.  It's been a long time since I've been around the gagging stench of cigarette smoke while I'm mid-bite and I was surprised that Spain doesn't have the smoking ban in force. 

The next day we popped into the Museo Reina Sofia to gape at Guernica and drool over some Dalis (dribbling over invaluable surrealist art won't win you any points with the museum guards, I've discovered).  Then, because you can never be at the airport too early (according to my obsessively 'punctual' husband), we left to fly home. 

I really liked Madrid, although I don't like the feeling of not understanding the native language.  And Spanish isn't that hard to figure out, but I still felt at a distinct disadvantage - especially because it didn't seem like that many people spoke English. What I love are the wrought iron balconies on every building - they are so charming and to me, so quintessentially European. 

Next stop: Barcelona. 

Click here for more Madrid pix. 

Front line at the BAFTAs

Ahh the BAFTAs - England's version of the Oscars.  The venue, The Royal Opera House, is just around the corner from where we live, and we saw the Red Carpet being assembled over the weekend.  But of course I'm way too lazy to battle it out with the masses to see the stars arriving live, so I am watching it from my comfy couch.

A selection of my many pithy observations:

• Jonathan Ross looks nice, and I do like him (he is kind to animals), but I wish I was watching Ricky Gervais. JR just isn't funny.
• C'mon Dustin, crack a smile, it wouldn't kill you. 
• Kate Winslet looks great, as usual.
• Robert Pattinson's hair looks HORRIBLE (and he's a good looking guy).  WTF?
• Suzy Amis, please cut it off.  It does nothing for you.
• Jonathan, please stop.  You do try but you really aren't funny.
• Colin Firth is just really scrumptious. 
• I loved MOON, and I love Sam Rockwell.  I hope Duncan Jones (director)wins.
• HE WON!!!!!!!!!  AWESOME!!!  What a sweet, sincere guy - he looks so shocked and appreciative.  Good for you, Duncan!
• I hope District 9 wins something tonight.  It was such an incredible film, and I'm afraid it will lose because it's against Avatar in almost every category. 
• 18 guys giving acceptance speeches for Avatar special effects is just a bit much. Yawn.
• Anna Kendrick did a great job in Up in the Air, but she didn't do such a good job getting dressed this evening.  She's young, hopefully she'll learn.
• I didn't see Inglorious Basterds so I can't comment on Christof Walz, but Peter says he did an amazing job and thus deserving of the BAFTA.
• Clare Danes annoys me.
• Have you ever noticed that costume designers who create the most beautiful things on screen look bloody awful when they have to dress themselves?
• Matt Dillon?  Where did he come from?
• I like Vera Farmiga - glad to see her getting the attention she deserves (if not the actual award).  She was awesome in The Departed.
• I hope In the Loop wins!  They are so clever, those guys. Nope, Fish Tank won. 
• What is this Fish Tank woman wearing on her ears?  They look like they are attacking her. And the gloves are a *unique* touch.
• Jonathan Rhys Meyers looks bizarre - like a fake bake session gone crazy.  He is so tiny; my left leg weighs more than he does.
• What died on Mickey Rourke's head?  What a complete nutter.
• Nicholas Hoult was such an ugly little kid, he certainly grew out of that phase and into a rather handsome young man.
• If Kristin Stewart wins, I will just gag. 
• OMG!!!  HOLY SHIT!  She is the worst actress!!! RECOUNT! Carey Mulligan must be ready to chuck it all in by now. 
• Kristen get OFF THE STAGE.  Stop sounding like such a Californian. It would have been classy of you to thank the people whom you worked with, but clearly you believe you won it on your own.
• Guy Pearce is adorable but looks a bit like a frog, with the bald head and glasses. A far cry from Priscilla!
• Dammit, I wish District 9 won best adapted screenplay, but not to be.
• Peter Capaldi, you are AWESOME.  A bit weathered, but awesome.
• Interesting dress on Carey Mulligan, she really pulls it off.
• Oh I hope Let the Right One In wins - what a very cool movie. 
• Crap, it didn't. 
• Clive Owen.  Classy, classy, classy.
• What an (awesome) upset for Best Director! Congrats Kathryn!
• As cute as he is, Colin Firth should have gotten a haircut.
• Mickey Rourke, do you even know what shampoo is??? He is just foul.
• Ok Carey, well done.  Take that, Kristen.
• Honestly Dustin, who peed in your cornflakes? 
• Wow.  The Hurt Locker beat Avatar again.  Shoulda thought twice about that divorce, eh James? 
• Prince William as the president of BAFTA - I think I like it.  Now if he could only figure that (lack of) hair.  I think he should take the big step, and shave it all off.  He'd look great.
• Uma sounds horrible.  She looks good, but can't read a teleprompter to save her life. 
• Poor Vanessa Redgrave - kudos for her award but how sad she must feel that her (other) daughter isn't there with her to celebrate.

What an exhausting evening I've spent here on said sofa, watching all the celebs do their thing.  All of my after-show party invitations must have gotten lost in the mail, so I am going to bed.

It needs it's own address.

Oh my lord. I saw The September Issue, and thought Grace Coddington was pretty awesome - she seems like an artist who just wants to get on with her work and not be bothered by mundane crap. And let's face it, she's committed, since she's in her late 60s and still working.

But I really can't forgive that hair. It is just downright awful.  Please please chop it off, or at least use some John Frieda product. Liberally.

Required viewing for Katie Couric

Charlie Brooker really cracks me up.  He is on a lot of comedy panel quiz shows here in the UK, and he is super sarcastic and always makes me laugh.  Here is a two minute sendup he does of a typical news segment, and it's sad just how spot on he really is.

February already. How can time be flying so, so fast?

get your mouse finger twitchy

Yes, I am an unabashed animal lover, and I know some of you are too (even YOU, Nick!).  

Here's something quick and easy you can do (wasn't being more charitable a New Year's resolution?  I thought so).

 

Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting  enough people to click on it daily so they can meet their quota of getting FREE FOOD donated every day to abused and neglected animals.  It takes less than a minute (about 15 seconds) to go to their site  and click on the purple box 'fund food for animals for free'. This  doesn't cost you a thing. 

Their corporate  sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food  to abandoned and neglected animals in exchange for advertising. 

Here's the web site - please pass it along to people you know. 

The Mighty Have Fallen

I met Jeff Zucker a long time ago and he was really nice to me.  It was 1999 and he was running the Today Show in New York, and he let me come to the set for a week.  I hung out in the control room, watched how the show was produced, stared at Matt Lauer (wouldn't you?) and stayed out of Katie Couric's way (wouldn't you?).

I never did pursue a career in television programming because I was too old to start from the bottom, and that's what you had to do in Hollywood.  But I'll never forget how kind he was to answer a letter I wrote to him and invite me to watch him work. 

It's been ages since he and I last spoke; I'm sure he wouldn't remember me now and he has gone on to greatness as the head of NBC (or some such illustrious title).  As ridiculous as it sounds, I feel sort of sorry for him right now because he is getting SLAMMED in the media for screwing over Conan O'Brien and frankly he seems to have made a mess of it.  Watch:

However, I don't feel sorry for long because he is no doubt richer than God and can retire tomorrow on a sandy beach while Conan and Jay pick up the pieces of their careers. I'll always like him for being nice to me, though. Amazing how the little things are what people remember most.

Terrorist Escalation

Thanks to Jim Blake, who never misses an opportunity to send a funny joke along...

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to  recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon, though, security levels  may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English  have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the
Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and  "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.  Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to  "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
on all of their allies 'just in case'.

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels  - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be al'right, mate."  Three more escalation levels remain:  "Crikey!",  "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Some Smart Booties

The kind folks at Fitness Footwear sent Peter a fab pair of Solomon hiking boots and asked him for his opinion...

Guest post by Peter Hase

As the father of two young adult males, I know to my cost and dismay the high fashion and “pose” value of the training shoe industry. So it was with an eye on the crocodile, swoosh and three stripes that I opened the box from Fitness Footwear to reveal the two-tone grey and orange highlights of my new Salomon hiking boots. That said, to my eye, first look was attractive, functional and very well made.

In terms of technology, these are some impressive Gore-Tex boots with moulded inner-sole and grips that would challenge a Range Rover, so I was again impressed by the construction.

So how do they feel to wear? Very good indeed. I wore these shoes during the late December southern snows and then up in Edinburgh during New Year (including a trip round the Borders) and they were superb. The high lace of the boot design means that they can get a little tight on your calf but that also inspires confidence in that they do not slip. These shoes have awesome grip. They are fantastic when faced by compacted snow, ice or any other adverse terrain – very much a shoe that can be trusted on a hike.

And they stayed warm and dry. I did not need any special socks or other means to keep out the wet from snowy Hogmanay streets, with the ability to enter into an enthusiastic jig in no way impaired.

The brand is a specialist one, hence the name is not a fashion statement – perhaps the orange is an attempt to carve out some recognition – but that is a small price to pay for such quality, comfort and an overall feeling of secure walking – tested in somewhat adverse conditions.

Summary Scores on the doors: -

• Look and Design -  4
• Technology and Quality – 5
• Pose Value – 3
• Comfort – 5
• Grip and Durability – 5
• Ability to deal with Scottish Blizzards and Ice – 5+

Happy New Year

Right now Peter and I are in Newcastle, a stopover on the way to Edinburgh for New Years. My most pressing concern (besides staying warm)? Deciding what my resolutions are going to be! Yes I am a sucker for a resolution - maybe I am an eternal optimist, or more likely just foolish, but I love to make them. Have you made any resolutions?